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Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety. Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay. So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.

So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.

I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises:

a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay
a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that’s gay
a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay
a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.

So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay

So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.

My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Hardcore Stats

Series	Season	Character	Username	Episode of Death	Cause of Death	Last Words	Place
Cake Team	Minecraft #2	Overhill's Night Portrait	Swolegeta	14	While fighting 2 buffed creepers, one exploded, knocking the other towards him, which then blew him up just as he lowered his shield.	"AAAAAAAH"	4/8
Jeff's Hardcore	Terraria #1	N/A	Swole (Super's blev)	6	Got bored and jumped into a hole, dying of fall damage	"By gamers, BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE!!"	6/7
Zapcore	MineZ #1	Squirtle	Swolegeta	???	???	???	???/7
Horizon	Modded Terraria #1	N/A	Swolejeeta	???	???	???	???/8

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-=== ''"Blevmar!" - Swolegeta (Cake Team Minecraft HC #2)'' ===
 {{PersonInfoboxHardcore
 |image = <gallery>
@@ Line 12: / Line 11: @@
 SwoleD.png|Jeff's HC Dead
 </gallery>
+}}Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety.  Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay.  So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.
-}}Swole is the owner and editor of [[Horizon]], a guest and the portrait artist in [[Cake Team (Series)|Cake Team's HC Series]]. He is also the editor for [[Starcore]] as well as a guest in [[Jeff's Hardcore]] and [[Zapcore]].
+So clearly, I had to look into alternative options.  I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.
+I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math.  The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises:
+# a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay
+# a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that’s gay
+# a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay
+# a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement.  The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.
+So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay
+So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.
+My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.
+Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
 == Hardcore Stats ==